:) Well, it's four months later and among the preparations for Thanksgiving I'm also in preparations for finals week and for graduation. It's been a long 2½ years with the stress of feeling like a single parent, with the guilt, with the loneliness, but it's almost over and I'm so happy I could cry!
Don't get me wrong, of course I'm happy to be moving on, but on one hand, I'm ecstatic to be graduating and on the other I'm quite nervous as to what's in store for me in the coming weeks. I'm still nervous about the future; the state of "things" all around the country is questionable at best, but I have high hopes as I always do. I have my experience to back me up and now I have my education.
So here I am, looking into ordering my cap and gown and replying to the dean's email asking for the number of guests I expect at the commencement ceremony. *happy sigh* It's all good from here.
Sunday, November 20, 2011
Tuesday, July 12, 2011
My Journey in a few words, well maybe not too few.
It was an awesome day today! Grades were released for the previous semester and it was another 4.0 semester for me. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve had perfect A’s in past semesters and each time I’ve been just as happy. The difference this time was it finally hit me that I’ve actually earned awesome grades, I’ve made an awesome accomplishment! I guess I should let you in on a little bit of my education past. This is gonna be a long one!
This isn’t a pity party but just an explanation of where I’ve been and where I am. I began college many, many years ago. I had a free ride almost, but frankly even though I truly wanted to be in college and my hope was to become an elementary school teacher I never quite felt that I belonged in college. I felt unworthy, inept, and basically I felt I was not good enough to be there. I never quite mastered algebra, I truly felt that I was “socially promoted” in the twelve grade because I don’t remember doing any homework or taking any tests in my mathematics courses in the last two years of high school. When I signed up for the placement test, I tested into the lowest remedial math courses and I still quite “get it”, I still don’t get it.
I registered and dropped the course before I finished, the feeling overflowed into my other courses. Even though I was doing well in English or history or any given course, I simply panicked and dropped those courses as well. In total, during my first round at college I earned a 2.0 GPA and countless W’s (withdraws) on my transcript. I stopped attending college with the mindset that college simply wasn’t for me, more importantly, I wasn’t for it.
For the next years that feeling stayed with me, I tried to do other things, I tried to do different professions but I never felt competent enough to stay with it. Something has always felt wrong, it didn’t help that some friends whom I attended high school with used me as their punch line for their “stupid” jokes. One particular time I remember always is when I was with a group of friends out having dinner and drinks; we were having a good time joking and laughing about our high school years. Someone brought up the subject of GPA, our number in the graduating class with one of them saying he was in the top 10 percent and another saying he was probably closer to the 20 percent. As I wondered out loud what my number was, my friend cuts me off to say to me/about me, “You know, they lined us up in class order and when they called Mari’s name, they just asked her to close the door behind her before she crossed the stage.” I froze; I was in disbelief that he said that about me. Yeah I guess it was funny to them, they laughed even harder than before. To me that only cemented my belief about my school ability.
Fast forward some ‘almost 20’ years, after contemplating for a long time whether or not to go back to college to finish my degree; since everything I’ve tried didn’t work for me, I finally went back in the summer of 2009. Sad and truly depressed because of recent events in my life I began school again. Still with the same feeling from 20 years back but with the mindset that this was it! This is the last ditch effort to do SOMETHING! This was my second chance to do what I was supposed to do way back then. The biggest difference, the biggest reason “why” I was doing it was: Here goes the cliché; I was doing it for my children, to give them a better life and at the same time do something for me but they were the REAL REASON I returned and why I tried/try as hard as I do in school.
So today when grades were released and my GPA is still on the rise, I am truly, truly exuberant! This is MY accomplishment. For the first time in a long, long, long time I feel proud of myself. It's like I’m seeing myself for the first time. I feel more sure of myself and happier. I hope my children will look back one day to the “crazy days” when mom went back to school and smile and feel a little proud of their mother. :)
This isn’t a pity party but just an explanation of where I’ve been and where I am. I began college many, many years ago. I had a free ride almost, but frankly even though I truly wanted to be in college and my hope was to become an elementary school teacher I never quite felt that I belonged in college. I felt unworthy, inept, and basically I felt I was not good enough to be there. I never quite mastered algebra, I truly felt that I was “socially promoted” in the twelve grade because I don’t remember doing any homework or taking any tests in my mathematics courses in the last two years of high school. When I signed up for the placement test, I tested into the lowest remedial math courses and I still quite “get it”, I still don’t get it.
I registered and dropped the course before I finished, the feeling overflowed into my other courses. Even though I was doing well in English or history or any given course, I simply panicked and dropped those courses as well. In total, during my first round at college I earned a 2.0 GPA and countless W’s (withdraws) on my transcript. I stopped attending college with the mindset that college simply wasn’t for me, more importantly, I wasn’t for it.
For the next years that feeling stayed with me, I tried to do other things, I tried to do different professions but I never felt competent enough to stay with it. Something has always felt wrong, it didn’t help that some friends whom I attended high school with used me as their punch line for their “stupid” jokes. One particular time I remember always is when I was with a group of friends out having dinner and drinks; we were having a good time joking and laughing about our high school years. Someone brought up the subject of GPA, our number in the graduating class with one of them saying he was in the top 10 percent and another saying he was probably closer to the 20 percent. As I wondered out loud what my number was, my friend cuts me off to say to me/about me, “You know, they lined us up in class order and when they called Mari’s name, they just asked her to close the door behind her before she crossed the stage.” I froze; I was in disbelief that he said that about me. Yeah I guess it was funny to them, they laughed even harder than before. To me that only cemented my belief about my school ability.
Fast forward some ‘almost 20’ years, after contemplating for a long time whether or not to go back to college to finish my degree; since everything I’ve tried didn’t work for me, I finally went back in the summer of 2009. Sad and truly depressed because of recent events in my life I began school again. Still with the same feeling from 20 years back but with the mindset that this was it! This is the last ditch effort to do SOMETHING! This was my second chance to do what I was supposed to do way back then. The biggest difference, the biggest reason “why” I was doing it was: Here goes the cliché; I was doing it for my children, to give them a better life and at the same time do something for me but they were the REAL REASON I returned and why I tried/try as hard as I do in school.
So today when grades were released and my GPA is still on the rise, I am truly, truly exuberant! This is MY accomplishment. For the first time in a long, long, long time I feel proud of myself. It's like I’m seeing myself for the first time. I feel more sure of myself and happier. I hope my children will look back one day to the “crazy days” when mom went back to school and smile and feel a little proud of their mother. :)
Sunday, July 10, 2011
School and the little voice (not my little voice), THE little voice.
In mid-May I decided to change my major from Education to Interdisciplinary Studies. Partly because I was/am in a desperate rush to finish and partly because I was stressing over that silly test, my final hurdle to get accepted into the education program. The hurdle has won for now.
Interdisciplinary Studies, basically I combined and involved two or more academic disciplines or fields of study to complete my bachelor degree.
The rush to finish. The rush to finish is the little voice that is constantly in my ear. "When will you be through?!" "When will you be done with your little mickey mouse job and get a 'real' one?!" and many more harsh comments which we won't get in to here. Yeah, it's a pain in the ass! To say the least. It's extremely stressful to have that little voice in my ear and not have the power to quiet it down or stop it all together. But how does that cliche go? What doesn't kill you, only makes you stronger. Yes, that's it.
Through it all though, I walk with my head held high and a satisfied smile on my face. Because like I said, through it all, I have maintained my grades, my demeanor, my pride, and slowly but surely my soul is on the mend. So to the little voice constantly in my ear I say, "Be nice, show your true emotions or Watch out!"
Interdisciplinary Studies, basically I combined and involved two or more academic disciplines or fields of study to complete my bachelor degree.
The rush to finish. The rush to finish is the little voice that is constantly in my ear. "When will you be through?!" "When will you be done with your little mickey mouse job and get a 'real' one?!" and many more harsh comments which we won't get in to here. Yeah, it's a pain in the ass! To say the least. It's extremely stressful to have that little voice in my ear and not have the power to quiet it down or stop it all together. But how does that cliche go? What doesn't kill you, only makes you stronger. Yes, that's it.
Through it all though, I walk with my head held high and a satisfied smile on my face. Because like I said, through it all, I have maintained my grades, my demeanor, my pride, and slowly but surely my soul is on the mend. So to the little voice constantly in my ear I say, "Be nice, show your true emotions or Watch out!"
Saturday, July 9, 2011
Update (1 yr overdue)
Wow, First let me say, I hate that I haven't been here in quite a while. Second, I find it funny that back in february 2010 I was thinking about leaving Facebook, but I didn't. Interestingly, I have been more active on that dang site that ever before.
Another thing, I haven't been to the the beach since my last beach posting. This rocesea crap really sucks because it keeps me from truly enjoying the "fun in the sun".
Ahh what else? Oh yeah, the pity parties have definitely become a thing of the past. So happy for me, yay! And school? Well it's awesome! Rolling along smoothly and beautifully! I can't be happier in that department. I am now, technically a senior!! WooWoo!!
So far that's it. Short and sweet....Really sweet.
Another thing, I haven't been to the the beach since my last beach posting. This rocesea crap really sucks because it keeps me from truly enjoying the "fun in the sun".
Ahh what else? Oh yeah, the pity parties have definitely become a thing of the past. So happy for me, yay! And school? Well it's awesome! Rolling along smoothly and beautifully! I can't be happier in that department. I am now, technically a senior!! WooWoo!!
So far that's it. Short and sweet....Really sweet.
Monday, August 9, 2010
Finally some fun...
Sooo wonderful, after a stressful last week of projects coming due and studying for finals, It's Ova! With pleasure I announce I did great! My gpa is a 4.0 for the semester, ha! Take that, you mangy ole stress!
Having said all that, it was such a welcoming little trip to the beach yesterday that was the cherry on top! Had a really good time out there even if my face today is red and blistery from the excessive exposure to the sun. No, none of us got sun burnt it's just my face and its "condition" acting up again, lol. The rosacea. We got there in the afternoon when the sun wasn't as harsh, it was still bright and hot but managable. The water was warm and inviting if you could get past the brown seaweed floating around and well, what can I say, It's Galveston! for pete's sake. You have to take the good with the bad, it felt good being in the water avoiding the heat. :) Galveston Co. does need to hurry up and finish the remodeling of the beach pockets. I miss the semi private showers and cleaner, less smelly restrooms. Poor Sofia had a harsh introduction to the port-o-potties. LoL... She couldn't make herself go in the ocean. LoL.
Having said all that, it was such a welcoming little trip to the beach yesterday that was the cherry on top! Had a really good time out there even if my face today is red and blistery from the excessive exposure to the sun. No, none of us got sun burnt it's just my face and its "condition" acting up again, lol. The rosacea. We got there in the afternoon when the sun wasn't as harsh, it was still bright and hot but managable. The water was warm and inviting if you could get past the brown seaweed floating around and well, what can I say, It's Galveston! for pete's sake. You have to take the good with the bad, it felt good being in the water avoiding the heat. :) Galveston Co. does need to hurry up and finish the remodeling of the beach pockets. I miss the semi private showers and cleaner, less smelly restrooms. Poor Sofia had a harsh introduction to the port-o-potties. LoL... She couldn't make herself go in the ocean. LoL.
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| Toes in the water, ass in the sand! |
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Friday, July 30, 2010
School
Ok, back to something else.
School, argh! Final week of the semester and the pressure is on. Don't get me wrong, I really like being back in school and enjoy the anxiety that comes with it. It's when I have the countdown in view that I get antsy. Tons of homework but to keep from eating and eating from the stress; I'm messing around here. Posting silly comments and updating this site, I guess it's better than stuffing my face but I think I'll get back to studing now.
Later Gator!
School, argh! Final week of the semester and the pressure is on. Don't get me wrong, I really like being back in school and enjoy the anxiety that comes with it. It's when I have the countdown in view that I get antsy. Tons of homework but to keep from eating and eating from the stress; I'm messing around here. Posting silly comments and updating this site, I guess it's better than stuffing my face but I think I'll get back to studing now.
Later Gator!
Social Networking
So I'm really thinking of cancelling my Facebook account. I definitely enjoy the updates from any and all of my family members and SOME friends, but honestly I think I actually have too many friends. I only have 50 some-odd friends, so what's the big deal? Well, too many are over sharing personal information, they are horrible spellers, they over complain and did I mention they over share? LoL Then they don't know the meaning of plagiarism or the difference between "its and it's"; "seen and seeing"; "been and being"; "to and too"; "their and there"; I could go on and on. Ugh! It's always the same people doing this. Don't worry, If I sent you the link to this blog you're not one of the people I'm referring to. It's mostly a particular "group" of people I recently added that I'm having this annoyance with. Maybe because I consider myself the queen of complaining, I'm jealous. Hmm...that's a thought. :)
I know, I sound just a bit anal, just a little. LoL. No, I don't think I'm perfect. I too make these same mistakes, but c'mon! Not in every post! Besides, I try to use spell-check from time to time.
Having said all that, I 've decided to simply vent my own feelings, thoughts, ideas and yes even complaints on my own blog where it's all me, all the time. I won't come up on any daily feed unless you physically look me up(I think); you can tune me out or tune me in. Maybe you'll enjoy pictures of the kids or you might even find one of yourself, who knows.
So does anyone feel the same way? Or is is just me over-complaining. LoL :-O
I know, I sound just a bit anal, just a little. LoL. No, I don't think I'm perfect. I too make these same mistakes, but c'mon! Not in every post! Besides, I try to use spell-check from time to time.
Having said all that, I 've decided to simply vent my own feelings, thoughts, ideas and yes even complaints on my own blog where it's all me, all the time. I won't come up on any daily feed unless you physically look me up(I think); you can tune me out or tune me in. Maybe you'll enjoy pictures of the kids or you might even find one of yourself, who knows.
So does anyone feel the same way? Or is is just me over-complaining. LoL :-O
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